Cerberus Daily News

Cerberus Daily News delivers daily news about the Mass Effect universe via the Cerberus Network. In universe, these news reports take place in 2185. They are not given with headlines, but ones are provided here for easier navigation.

Today, 03/25/2010 - Graduate Student Killed by Pod Crabs on Virmire
"A 24-year old graduate student has been killed by pod crabs on the planet Virmire, officials say. The student, Jeff Sizemore, was on Virmire to do his master's thesis on tide pools and was on a beach when the creatures struck. The large pod crabs feed on mollusk-like creatures and are usually considered harmless by Virmire natives. There were no warning signs of an attack. 'The crabs are dumb as stumps and aren't afraid of anything', says Virmire resident Rhane Elaxen. 'You can drive a tank through a pack of these things and they won't react'. Members of Sizemore's research team found his mauled body, which bore no marks of pod crab mouths. 'I don't understand', said fellow student Gayle Schreiber. 'It's like they killed him just because he was there'."

Cerberus Daily News Archives

 * Cerberus Daily News - January 2010
 * Cerberus Daily News - February 2010
 * Cerberus Daily News - March 2010

03/01/2010 - Principal Photography on "Nekyia Corridor" Halted After Tantrum
"Principal photography on the space epic 'Nekyia Corridor' came to a halt today as the leading lady Kate First walked off the set. Phone footage of her tantrum has hit the extranet, and helmer Morgan Bierster says it isn't just another fake-reality eyeball-grabber. 'If we wanted free marketing, she'd have been nagging us naked,' he quipped. Scribe Eddie Karbeti has reportedly been brought in to do rewrites to the script in order to soothe the savage starlet. Karbeti got the gig after the 28th script draft gave former writer Stan Kirbus permanent nerve damage in the wrists. He'd better hurry; in three days, the lease is up on the mass effect relay they're using as a set."

03/02/2010 - Dalatrass Narra of Mannovai Undergoes Surgery
"Dalatrass Narra of the colony Mannovai underwent surgery to remove a stomach polyp today. The surgery lasted two hours, and the salarian matriarch is expected to return to her duties late tomorrow night. One of her personal doctors, Jiahe Urc, confirmed that the polyp was benign and only noticeable due to a slight inflammation that had been causing the Dalatrass pain. Before the operation, Narra signed a letter transferring power to Vice-Dalatrass Husaru, since she would be under general anesthesia for the duration of the surgery."

03/03/2010 - Infamous Cerberus Operative Escapes Custody on Trident (3)
"The manhunt to find Skye Turnick came to a fiery and tragic conclusion today. Acting on an anonymous tip, GMJ enforcers surrounded a compound on the island of Ness. Cerberus operatives inside attempted to first fight and then flee using the gunships they had used in the Turnick jailbreak. Armor-piercing missiles brought one gunship down over the compound. The other, fleeing the scene, was shot down and plummeted into a halfway house for runaway youths. Firefighters are working to contain that blaze now. Two GMJ agents have been killed, six wounded, and an estimated eleven people from the halfway house have been hospitalized. No word yet on their condition. The GMJ will not give details about the Cerberus connection, but it did confirm that the pilots of both gunships died in the crashes."

See Also: 02/26/2010, 02/28/2010

03/04/2010 - Earth Nations in Suspense as Systems Alliance Hears Ford v. Huerta (1)
"The nations of Earth are in suspense tonight as the Systems Alliance hears Ford v. Huerta, the first case of a human leader using reconstructive data storage to prolong his brain functions and stay physically capable to perform his duties. Speaker of the House Lisa Ford has led the charge against Huerta, saying that the last year of his term was illegitimate. A stroke left the President legally dead and in cryocool for an hour and a half before his brain functions were fully transferred to a computer. The amount of memory degradation was never fully revealed. According to the United North American States' line of succession, if Huerta was considered dead, then power would transfer to the Vice President and Speaker Ford would have held the position of Vice President for the last year."

See Also: 03/11/2010, 03/12/2010

03/05/2010 - R&B Singer Lady Sweat Dies Aged 24
"R&B singer Lady Sweat has died at age 24 in a medical facility on Charon. The self-titled 'hardest-working girl in show business' and 'musical ambassador of Earth' was returning from Mannovai in a commercial cruiser when solar activity touched off a proton storm. Protons passed through the ship's hull, incapacitating the crew with radiation poisoning by the time the cruiser reached the Charon relay. Authorities suspect that traces of alcohol, cocaine and maxx found in all of the passengers during postmortem analysis may have been a contributing factor in the passengers' failure to seek shelter in the cruiser's shielded compartment."

03/06/2010 - Socialite Aish Ashland Under Fire After Lady Sweat Comments
"Socialite Aish Ashland is under fire tonight for her comments about the death of Leila Montrose, better known as Lady Sweat. 'This just goes to show that you can't do drugs and fly a spaceship at the same time,' she quipped. You've got to be responsible about it. I know I always snort up somewhere safe, like a police station or courthouse'. Her probation officer was unavailable for comment."

03/07/2010 - Simian Bacterial Fever Vaccine Supplies Running Out
"Supplies of the vaccine for simian bacterial fever have run out in many planets across the galaxy. The Citadel Committee on Disease Prevention announced this week that production of the vaccine is going slower than expected. Out of an estimated 95 billion doses scheduled to be produced by the previous month, only 70 billion were made due to manufacturing and logistical difficulties. Public health departments galaxy-wide have been flooded with calls by people asking where they can get the vaccine. The CCDP is warning citizens against going to the black market for the vaccine: most such operations are frauds."

03/08/2010 - Controversial E-Book has Successful Midnight Launch
"The controversial tell-all e-book 'Criminal Negligence: The Citadel Council and the True Story of the Geth Threat' went on sale at midnight last night and was lapped up by lovers of conspiracy theories and politics everywhere. Written by a C-SEC officer personally responsible for asari Councilor Tevos' safety, 'Negligence' alleges that the Citadel Council knew the geth were travelling outside the Perseus Veil long before their attack on Eden Prime. Other revelations, such as the geth spreading to not one but five planets before their attack on the Citadel, are now being revealed to crank up the hype on the author's tour of the Council's homeworlds."

03/09/2010 - Manal Taken Off Critically Endangered List
"The manal, a biotically active bipedal animal commonly known as the 'asari chimpanzee', has been taken off the critically endangered list after two decades of conservation efforts. 'This has been an enormous task, calling together the very best of geneticists, ethologists, zoos, conservation groups, and grassroots support', said Interplanetary Wildlife Fund president Diaza T'Rome. The primary cause of the manal's reduced numbers had been habitat loss due to encroaching cities."

03/10/2010 - Turian Separatists Claim Responsibility for Cruiser Crash (2)
"Analysis of the flight path and transmissions of the MSV Sevrum, the commercial cruiser that crashed on Taetrus last month, reveals chilling details of the hijacked flight. As the flight attendants were taken hostage, the pilots turned the ship at the terrorists' request, but not in the desired direction. When the terrorists stormed the cockpit and overpowered the pilots, the flight became erratic as they sought to gain altitude and regain their bearings. Finally, as the crew fought back, the ship rolled and yawed before crashing to the ground and disintegrating. Fortunately, the pilots had disabled the ship's FTL drive, which could have caused a megaton-scale impact." See Also: 02/23/10

03/11/2010 - Earth Nations in Suspense as Systems Alliance Hears Ford v. Huerta (2)
"Expert witnesses were introduced today in the Systems Alliance trial of Ford v. Huerta, starting with the petitioner's side. Dr. Samuel Wachhaus testified today that President Huerta was brain-dead for too long to make a full recovery. Questioned on Huerta's apparent cognitive health afterward, Wachhaus testified that the VI ran Huerta's artificial memory so successfully that it took over his brain functions so that 'there was no Huerta anymore. This is not a person with a VI memory, it's a VI with a partially-organic operating system'. The respondent's experts will begin testimony tomorrow."

See also: 03/04/2010, 03/12/2010

03/12/2010 - Earth Nations in Suspense as Systems Alliance Hears Ford v. Huerta (3)
"Expert witness Dr. Lin Shiyin testified in the Systems Alliance trial of Ford v. Huerta today. He claimed that the former president made a full recovery from a temporarily brain-dead state. Stumbling a little when grilled on Huerta's timeline of cognition, Lin nevertheless made the case for Huerta being in full control once his motor functions and memory were assigned synthetic analogues. 'To believe that he is now a different person, a synthetic, is to draw a line where no line is needed', he argued. 'A new man did not appear on the table when the first open-heart surgery was performed. His life was merely extended beyond what was thought possible at the time'."

See Also: 03/04/2010, 03/11/2010

03/13/2010 - Galactic Combat Sports League Alters Heavyweight Title Card After Illness
"The Galactic Combat Sports League was forced to alter its title card last night after heavyweight contender Bant Cruor came down with simian bacterial fever. 'Bant says he wants to fight, but he's never been this sick in his life', says corner man Leif Karlsson. 'He's puking out of both stomachs. If he got into the cage now, the only thing he could do is hope the smell keeps Ghuli away'. Rox Ghuli, for his part, understands. 'I don't want to defend my title against someone who's not at their best. The fans want a fight, not a slaughter'. However, a slaughter is what they got when Randy 'Giant Killer' Dozois substituted for Cruor that evening. The human didn't stand a chance against Ghuli, getting knocked out by the 150-kilo krogan after just 41 seconds."

03/14/2010 - Earth Scientists Win Hitara Prize
"A team of Earth scientists in Australia have won the Hitara Prize for Biology for their work on Prothean comm towers. Their research found that the towers produced small but significant amounts of ionizing radiation, enough to damage the DNA of Earth creatures such as fruit flies and bees. It is now believed the Protheans were resistant to low amounts of radiation and avoided deploying comm towers on planets where they would have an ecological impact. This research marks the first Hitara Prize for humans in a scientific field, where they are often at a disadvantage compared to species that have longer held advanced technology."

03/15/2010 - UCIM Responds to Lay-Off Plan With Protest March on Thessia
"The United Congress of Industrial Miners marched in protest today outside the Citadel building in New Arara on the planet of Thessia. An estimated 1.5 million union workers and advocates came out to voice their opposition to the Council's plan to lay off more than 90,000 eezo miners, shippers, and refiners. Ostensibly designed to trim the budget deficit in a year of financial turmoil, the plan is seen as a pretext for union-busting by the UCIM. 'We know this galaxy runs on eezo, and in a year of recession and slow growth, now is not the time to commit financial suicide', stated UCIM spokesperson Nareesha Rajput. Council press secretary Vaninth T'Joan responded with a prepared statement: 'It is our job to remain fiscally responsible to our member planets, and in tough times like these, we are forced to make unpopular decisions'. Asked if robots could do the jobs the Council has cut, T'Joan said, 'That is my understanding, yes'."

03/16/2010 - "Husks 2: Awl Justice" Dominates Weekend Box Office
"The galactic box office this weekend was dominated by 'Husks 2: Awl Justice'. The adaptation of the teen-survival/horror/legal-thriller raked in an impressive 2.1 billion credits, followed closely by the guess-what's-coming-to-dinner asari romantic comedy 'She's a Keeper', which earned 1.8 billion. The week's most dismal showing is from the much-hyped disaster/action flick/coming-of-age story 'Taze Patterson: Part 1: The Beginning', which earned just 433 million. Sharpstickintheeye.com calls it 'a cheese grater for the senses. It's the simulstim equivalent of pity sex...somehow, even the action scenes seem bottom-end and stilted, as if created by homeless people finding scraps from better vids in the studio garbage bins'."

03/17/2010 - Asari Holiday of Janiris Celebrated Throughout Council Space
"Species throughout Council space are celebrating the asari holiday of Janiris today, a springtime fertility ritual marking the new year. Janiris is celebrated with the making and wearing of flower wreaths, exchanged among friends and lovers. This year, Janiris falls upon the same day as the Earth holiday of St. Patrick's Day, a once-religious holiday now widely celebrated in secular fashion with parades and the consumption of green fermented drinks. To mark the dual holiday, humans are making wreaths containing shamrocks, the festival's traditional plant. Earth's Chicago River, usually dyed green for the day, will be dyed blue as a nod to Janiris."

03/18/2010 - TR-15 Letus Becomes Closest Probe to a Neutron Star
"Astronomers are excited tonight as the probe TR-15 Letus comes the closest any probe has ever come to a neutron star. The star in question is in a globular cluster approximately 18,000 light-years from Earth. Though it contains slightly more than two times the mass of Earth's sun, its radius is a tiny 15.8 kilometers, spinning at approximately 24% of the speed of light. The probe was sent to the star via the Kappa Iota Relay, a charted but rarely-used relay predating the Rachni War. The relay was abandoned due to the highly lethal radiation found on the other side, but the small doses that pass through the relay are manageable for a shielded probe. Control of the radiation emission and reception of Letus's signal is made possible by the infamous Dark Switches, a set of previously unknown control functions the Protheans installed on mass effect relays."

03/19/2010 - GBC News Correspondent Robin Lasky Arrested on Tuchanka (1)
"GBC News correspondent Robin Lasky has been arrested as part of a mass sweep by authorities in the Republic of Ghurst on the planet Tuchanka. Lasky, who was covering the rebellion within the krogan state, is being held without charge at the notorious Urlukah Federal Prison, where she may be imprisoned for life or face the death penalty. Already, an extranet petition begging for her release has gathered over 50,000 identi-tags, but experts remain skeptical. 'Tuchanka prisons don't respond well to human rights campaigns', says Neil Ulster of Universal Reporters. 'They respond to ransoms'."

See also: 03/21/2010

03/20/2010 - Dalemitrians Gaining Ground on Earth, Palaven and Mannovai
"A new religion is gaining ground on Earth, Palaven and Mannovai. The Church of the Divine Plan, also known as the Dalemitrians, believe that the Citadel was constructed by the Protheans as a space ark, used to preserve life when gamma ray bursts and other lethal space weather sweeps through the galaxy exterminating all but the faithful. According to adherents, this disaster will strike 'near the end of the century' and the Citadel Council is criminally liable for refusing to import species' DNA to the space station. C-SEC classifies the religion as an apocalyptic cult, and cites their numerous weapons violations as a 'troubling sign'. The church's annual income is estimated at nearly 900 million credits."

03/21/2010 - GBC News Correspondent Robin Lasky Arrested on Tuchanka (2)
"New footage tonight from Tuchanka shows that the prison where GBC News correspondent Robin Lasky is being held is ill-suited for human inmates. The temperature stays at 37 Celsius during the day, parasites breed in the cells, and the food is usually live. Originally detained without charge, Lasky is now accused of spying. She is reportedly bunking with two krogan females, one who brutally stabbed her mate to death and another convicted of murder and grand larceny. GBC News has requested Lasky's immediate release, but officials say she will be part of a mass hearing in a few days."

See also: 03/19/2010

03/22/2010 - Comet CR1331 Kingu Threatens Hanar Colony of Belan (9)
"It has been one Belanese month [six Earth weeks], since the comet Kingu caused devastating tides that killed over a million Belanese. Now, with the water drained wherever it can be drained, the rebuilding starts. This planet has never seen so many humans, salarians, and vorcha. Migrant workers are a common sight; so are the charity volunteers and religious groups. The turian government and its scientists are daily targets of hatred and blame for not doing more to stop Kingu. Citadel Emergency Services estimates the refugee count is over four million displaced, either moving inland or to flotation cities and other planets, or waiting in temporary housing for new habitats to be built. Normalcy may eventually come, but it still feels distant."

See also: 02/02/10, 02/05/10, 02/08/10, 02/10/10, 02/11/10, 02/12/10, 02/19/10, 02/20/2010

03/23/2010 - 'Connected' Unveiled at Milgrom Museum of Art Seasonal Reopening
"Installation artist June Fasha unveiled her latest massive creation at the seasonal reopening of the Milgrom Museum of Art on planet Bekenstein. The piece, titled 'Connected', features a single beam of white light from Milgrom's moon colony aimed straight down to the museum using carefully-placed reflectors and antiscatter algorithms to bypass atmospheric interference. Fasha's selection as the featured artist at this event was hotly debated among art critics as she has been accused of producing 'stunt art' to ensure notoriety rather than artistic merit. Fasha's patron Donovan Hock took exception to the criticism. 'Art is an expression of one mind attempting to stimulate another', Hock said. 'Just because it's big and flashy doesn't mean it's without value. 'Connected' proves that today's artists will go to fantastic lengths, even to another planet, to find another mind. If its medium overshadows smaller pieces, well, that's a commentary on the modern individual's sense of insignificance on the galactic stage'."

03/24/2010 - Clawball Legend Neno Raxirian Returns After Suspension
"After a five-game suspension, turian clawball legend Neno Raxirian is back on the scene just in time for the semifinals against the Tarax Threshers. Raxirian was suspended for having a jarvus-string racquet, an illegal advantage he claimed not to know about. Coach Helven can't wait to get the midfielder back into the mix. 'He's got some rust to shake off, but I'd rather have a rusty Neno picking up grounders and sending them downfield than anyone else. He gets the ball to the shooters, and that's what matters'. Raxirian himself is modest about his accomplishments. 'I just want to put this behind me', he says. 'I don't like black marks on my record, and I sure don't need any help putting that ball through against the Thresher line'."

03/25/2010 - Graduate Student Killed by Pod Crabs on Virmire
"A 24-year old graduate student has been killed by pod crabs on the planet Virmire, officials say. The student, Jeff Sizemore, was on Virmire to do his master's thesis on tide pools and was on a beach when the creatures struck. The large pod crabs feed on mollusk-like creatures and are usually considered harmless by Virmire natives. There were no warning signs of an attack. 'The crabs are dumb as stumps and aren't afraid of anything', says Virmire resident Rhane Elaxen. 'You can drive a tank through a pack of these things and they won't react'. Members of Sizemore's research team found his mauled body, which bore no marks of pad crab mouths. 'I don't understand', said fellow student Gayle Schreiber. 'It's like they killed him just because he was there.'"