Jeff "Joker" Moreau/Unique dialogue

Mission Completion
Joker sometimes has sarcastic remarks after a mission has been completed:
 * Dossier: Archangel: "Hey, we got Garrus back! That's great, because he was totally my favorite&hellip; with that pole up his ass."
 * Dossier: The Assassin: "Oh, another dangerous alien aboard, Commander. Thanks. Why can't you collect coins or commemorative plates or something?"
 * Dossier: The Convict: "OK, Shepard, glad you're back, but keep an eye on that last one, we can only hold so much crazy."
 * Dossier: The Justicar: "So, Commander, even your asari are trained killers? You get everyone at the same store or something?"
 * Dossier: The Warlord: "Did you collect stray cats when you were younger, because we really needed a mega-krogan&hellip; so thanks for bringing him home."
 * Dossier: Tali: "It's great to see Tali on board, Commander. Just like old times. It is her, right? I mean because of the mask it's&hellip; ah, never mind."
 * Jacob: The Gift of Greatness: "That, uh, that stuff with Jacob's dad. It's bullshit, right? Because it looked like bullshit to me."
 * Legion: A House Divided: "Good job reforming those geth, Commander. That'll never come to bite us in the ass," or "Great work destroying that geth base. Legion is still hanging around the lower decks if you want to take care of the spare," or "Hey, Commander. I guess the geth aren't all bad, huh? They're like EDI's ex-con uncle we don't talk about."
 * Miranda: The Prodigal: "So, Commander, you ever think Miranda would lighten up and... I can't even finish saying it."
 * Stop the Collectors: "Hey, Shepard. I'm glad that Collector/Reaper crap is over. It is over right? It's never over."
 * Tali: Treason: "I'm glad that mess is over for Tali, Commander. Some of those quarians&hellip; I guess living aboard a ship can really mess with your priorities? Not that I would know&hellip; ah, I just burned myself. Great."
 * Samara: The Ardat-Yakshi: "I'm glad things worked out, Commander. I was worried you'd dump Samara for some crazy soul-sucker with a death fetish, all lithe and sexy and...never mind."


 * Jack: Subject Zero: "Hey Commander. Glad we figured out Jack is crazy. Because that was really up in the air, just hanging there." 
 * Grunt: Rite of Passage: "You know Commander, I'm not real broke up that Wrex isn't coming. I'm good with our current amount of headbutting. I'd say we're at headbutting: capacity" 

The Squad
Visiting Joker after a mission and picking "The Squad" option will have him give his opinion on the last two squad members who went out with Commander Shepard:
 * Garrus: "It seems like Garrus has finally worked that stick out of his butt, but now he's trying to beat guys to death with it. I can't believe I like the old Garrus better."
 * Grunt: "Grunt is&hellip; not a stabilizing element, Commander"
 * Jack: "I'm not saying anything about Jack. I'm not stupid."
 * Jacob: "Jacob is way too nice a guy for all the ways he knows how to kill people."
 * Legion: "Having Legion around is just&hellip;begging for a rifle up your ass. Without the sweet talk."
 * Miranda: "I wouldn't say anything bad about Miranda and expect to survive the reprisal."
 * Mordin: "No surprise, Mordin acts superior to everyone. Like he's got tenure at FU."
 * Morinth: (Joker has no direct comment although there is a quote used directly after recruiting her.)
 * Samara: "I feel like Samara could shoot me in a very tranquil manner, which doesn't make me feel any better about it."
 * Tali: "Well, I always liked Tali so&hellip; let's just move on."
 * Thane: "Thane seems like the strong, sensitive, murdering type. You know those are always great to have around. A real cuddler."
 * Zaeed: "Zaeed is like you, but takes checks. As long as it's not my money, we're good."