User blog comment:N7EagleEye/New Mass Effect 4 Details/@comment-79.112.179.186-20130603214045/@comment-79.112.179.186-20130603214801

Bioware added: "You may notice that in the “Shepard lives” ending, the love interest hesitates to place Shepard’s name on the wall, and instead looks up as though deep in thought. This is meant to suggest that the love interest is not ready to believe Shepard is dead, and the final scene reveals they are correct. As the Normandy lifts off, there is hope that the love interest and Shepard will again be together."

So, in the end the only real ending is the DESTROY, which also points in the direction of the whole ending sequence being in Shep's mind only...