User blog:The Milkman/Indoctrination Theorists Say the Darndest Things, Part II

Remember the indoctrination theory? The brilliant and ingenious community project that would forever change the face of gaming? Well, friends, it's still going strong, and the evidence? It's still piling up. It's obvious to anyone with half a brain that the indoctrination theory is 100% proven. Like the Black Hole Theory, the IT is flawless, and denying it at this point is just ignorance. Go ahead, see for yourself.



Nah, I'm just kidding with you. For those of you who haven't read my other blog, "Indoctrination Theorists Say the Darndest Things". This is essentially a compilation of hilarious quotes from the craziest of Indoctrination Theorists. I started off my finding older quotes... until I got into an argument on YouTube that lasts to this day. Most of the quotes here are from that argument. The person in question was YouTuber IronicAtheist, on this YouTube video. If you want to experience the entire dramatic journey, feel free to follow that link. Whilst your there, be sure to enjoy the amazing video!

''Note: These are copy and pasted verbatim, save for vulgarity redaction as per the policies of Mass Effect Wiki. If you see quotation marks inside the Headquotes, that's me being quoted in his comment.''

The Hard Proof
''Be forewarned. This conversation involved many naughty words, various excessive rape analogies, and non sequiturs straight outta left field. You are about to enter the Twilight Zone.''

Why have four choices when you can have one?

Yeah, symbolism is overrated anyway.

Gotta love a good plot twist... that's revealed a year after the game comes out.

Indeed. I'm lying to dissuade people from picking Destroy, because I'm secretly an indoctrinated spy! You got me.

EMS=Willpower?

Well that pretty much settles it then. Similar sound effects and poses? What further proof do you need?

I love how this is based on facts.

Not saying anything=totally said yes

Someone should really read more of my blogs. Or just a single MrBTongue video.



Hey look, more facts from the story!

Tying everything together... by not resolving anything?

I always thought it was about space-faring squids who **** that bed and ruined life for every resident of the Milky Way. But yeah, it's totally all about Indoctrination, you're right.

Well, I would define an ending as "whatever came last in the story".



Are you sure we watched the same endings?

Are you sure we played the same game?

I love how this was explicitly stated in the game itself.

It's fun to pretend, isn't it?

Subtlety=obscurity=confusion=lying to your audience?

I love it when everything works out the way you want it to, because you want it to.

Anderson disagrees. I'll take his word over yours, sorry.



Then why the hell did they kill me?

Yes, by taking what someone says at face value. Silly me.

I wish I had the power to ignore overwhelming amounts of evidence. Life would be a lot easier for me.

Yeah, because the The Matrix didn't reveal that reality was a lie from early on. It's not like it's in the title or anything. Oh, and yeah, all the Matrix movies are were great. Especially that last one. Gotta love that ending.

That may have been the most hipster thing I've ever heard.

That, and if you were a ginger. Gingers and hipsters don't get to argue.



Well hey, it's not like BioWare makes mistakes, right?

Someone isn't very good at counting. Or paying attention.

It's almost as if the Reapers themselves were based on the Leviathans....

Story Time!
I don't remember reading that in the codex.

Yeah! Shepard could kill them all single handedly! It's much safer to try and brainwash him, which has a 66% chance of succeeding, instead of just killing him, which has a 100% chance of success.

I think you should Google the word majority.

I think BioWare wants to not go bankrupt.

Yes, and Roger Ebert doesn't know anything about movies.

Except the good ones don't lie to you; it's part of the premise. You know what that is.. right?



... What?

... What!?

You know when a plot twist is the most relevant? Over a year after the game comes out!

Did you even watch The Matrix!?

Hey, I can admit when I'm wrong. At one point, I said the ending to Mass Effect 3 couldn't get any worse. Thanks for proving me wrong.

Are you trying to support IT with that statement?

Apparently, this is a no-fly zone for logic in general.



I think Joker was the fall of Sovereign, actually.

I'm going to just walk away slowly now.

So the main underlying theme in the Star Wars saga... is light sabres?



That's what I said. This was his response:

Thanks for answering my question....

Don't believe everything you read in books, kid.

Wow.

Why are we suddenly OK with having to pay writers extra money just to finish the story they started?

It looks like rebar. The only conclusion from this we can draw is that everything is a lie.

Looked more like a gun battle to me.



Kids, don't do drugs.

So that excuses more bad ethics?

Yeah, themes are stupid. Only amateur writers use those. Real plot twists only work if they make zero sense.

I'm saying a monkey knows better than BioWare. Ever heard of Dragon Age II?

OK, now you're just creeping me out.



That's what I said. Let's see his response:

Well, it's not like a non sequitur is a logical fallacy or anything.

All that needs to be said is that this comment was made before Omega came out. Denial is one hell of a drug, isn't?

And here we are.

If someone doesn't like something, it's because they don't know enough about it?

Careful there. Your statements almost make it sound like your an ignorant bigot.

I'm going to just assume that "intellectual" is a synonym for "hipster" now.

All I got out of that is that deep, round characters are apparently shallow. You sir, are a master of story telling.

This rabbit hole goes very deep.

No seriously kids, don't take drugs.



Even More Evidence
I'm running out of sardonic comments to say here.

Also, why is Blasto in the narrative? What's his purpose in BioWare's grand design?

Reading is an intellectual turn off?

I don't think anyone has ever argued that the illusion of choice was a good thing.

Those are a very important few minutes.

I think plenty of Reaper *** is kicked in the literal endings. In one ending, he blows them all up. In another, he keeps them as slaves. You'll never be better than Commander Shepard.

That's what I'm saying!

No... the Catalyst was doing what it was told. I don't think the Leviathans programmed their genocidal AI to "wipe out anyone who is mean".

Because the Theory of Evolution is a story that needs a resolution.

Something that can't be used for good.



But Wait, There's More!
I thought indoctrination is supposed to be subtle?

You make Stephanie Meyer sound like a good writer.

And that makes not resolving the conflict OK... how exactly?

That's what I get for trying to talk about shades of grey.

I don't think you understand the meaning of disproved, actually.

Dreaming makes you narcoleptic now?

Which relates to indoctrination... how?

Yeah well, that's to be expected when you touch a Prothean beacon. Y'know, those things they communicated with?



Yep. If Shepard wasn't there, it didn't happen. Sounds like legit logic to me.

So much for appealing to newcomers. Also, I thought indoctrination was "in your face"?

Add Rebecca Black's "discography" to that, and you get the indoctrination theory.

First off, you need to Google "appeal to authority". Second, you should play Dragon Age II.

I call it paying attention.

No, it's not an ending. It just happens to replace the last ten minutes of the story and removes the part of the story that resolves the conflict. It's totally not an ending though.

That's not how logic works.

So your saying that, after three games spanning a five year development period, not resolving the trilogy's central conflict wouldn't shatter the entire trilogy?



Yeah! Player choice is stupid!

I am certainly contemplating suicide now that I know their is no hope left for the human race.

There are two ways it can go down. Shepard activated the Crucible... or everyone dies. The Reapers can't be beaten conventionally. Didn't you pay attention to the story and lore? :P

You suck at analogies.



Paying the same high albeit inflated amount for an unfinished product is considered "fair" to you!?

Really, you're not good at this whole "analogies" thing.

Immorality can be justified by saying their product was rushed and poorly developed? I do believe you epitomise everything that is wrong with this industry.

Yes, all hail the glorious might of the IT! It is so beautiful to behold, it totally justifies paying extra money!

You know what? From here on out, I think developers should charge extra money for their games if they think it's brilliant. That's flawless logic really!

The fact that its a fundamentally broken idea justifies paying for an ending?



I don't even want to justify that with a witty retort.

Oh, OK you guys. Their heart is in the right place. It's totally fair to make us pay to fix an unfinished job. That's not all like greed.

Did you even play Fallout 3?

Guess not.

Thought IT was Over? Think Again!
That's what I said. Let's see what our friend thinks is so "profound" about the IT:

I guess profound and gibberish are interchangeable now.

Yes, there is no moral ambiguity in the entire universe. Indeed, everything is simply black and white. Why? Because rape exists.

Actually, in the ending I got, Shepard survived. I kind of prefer having three options over one linear ending path.

Okay, first off, you should really look up the meaning of "irony". Second, can we stop talking about rape and candy?

Did you really just argue that you can't force a subjective idea on people? Someone didn't pay attention in social studies.....



So the moral of the story is... something about heroes? Yeah, that's not overused at all....

Yep. Choosing between good and evil isn't shallow storytelling at all.

Well, plenty of people do believe our president is an alien. And he does sort of endorse gay rights so....

Yeah, I know. That joke was bad and I should feel bad.

IT Gets Worse
So let me get this straight. The villains think they're better then the hero and that they're going to win. But in the end... the hero wins. Yep. That sounds like every story ever written.

Nothing has ever been more worthy of a Saren Facepalm.



Well in 'murica, we use guns not just because we think they're totally rad, but also because we want to protect ourselves. Also, what's wrong with gun manufacturing exactly? What's wrong with justifying that industry's existence?

Sensationalism is fun, isn't it?

Someone needs to take a step back and differentiate reality from fiction.

No, the difference is that one is an unethical business practice, and the other involves the fate of a fictional universe.

When did indoctrination become a pop quiz in your mind?

I've never heard of any game called "Deus Ex Machina" before. What are you talking about?

No, I'm just not going to let sentiment get in the way of progress.

"what if" pretty much sums up the entire theory.

I don't even know any more.

Well, they're dead so....



The Truth
Yes, someone is certainly paranoid.....

Somehow I doubt BioWare thinks that far ahead. Especially since they were working with this thing called Dark Energy....

Indoctrination has steps now? What is this, Alcoholics Anonymous?

Well, you heard it here first. This visual comparison is undeniable proof... of something.

Dreams are a side effect of sleeping. Shepard's in particular... well, it's not like Commander Shepard has any guilt, stress, or trauma to deal with, right?

I'll have whatever you're on.



When you're studying idle animations, you know you're grasping at straws.

Yep.

I made up plot armour?

Ah, BSN. Always a reliable source of information.

Well, it's a good thing this is real life, and not science fiction or anything.

I think my IQ just dropped.

Well, I'd say the fact that Shepard is still breathing after three games counts as plot armour.

I didn't see any such measurements in the codex. Also, I didn't see an entry about the Crucible either....

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

The Conclusion


Well, based on the evidence, the answer is pretty obvious. It's hard to deny these rock solid facts, like the piles of dead bodies in the middle of a war zone, the trees in the middle of London, and of course, the greatest proof of all, Shepard's idle animations in Mass Effect 2. How can one deny how plausible this is?

But what makes the Indoctrination Theory so great you ask? Well, it removes stupid things that no one liked anyway, like player choice and moral ambiguity. If that wasn't enough to win you over, you'll also be glad to know that it leaves the conflict unresolved, giving you 100% less closure! And the best part? You get to pay extra for the real ending to a $60 game you bought nine months ago! This game is so relevant, you could have created a human during the time it came out and now. Who wouldn't want to wait a year for a plot twist? It's pure brilliance and artistic genius. God, this theory is just so beautiful and majestic. It's like a full-on double rainbow or something.

What's your take on the theory? Love it! Hate it! It's about as relevant to me as MC Hammer.