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RE: Choir Edit
Thanks for the feedback; you made some excellent points! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've been a bit busy with work lately, but I hope to get another blog done, either here, or on Dragon Age Wiki. Or TESWiki. Or maybe even Uncharted Wiki.
your fic Edit
I've read it all but unfortunately, I know Redemption only by its synopsis here on the wiki and I never played Fallout, therefore I am unable to follow how you tweaked the storyline to Ethan's presence or truly enjoy his personality except the obvious bad*ss comments. Probably due to this, the part I liked best is Ethan together with that Cerberus bodyguard walking away from the catfight :-) Other than that, I am only able to tell that you do possess the skill, which is hardly any news for you :P --Ygrain (talk) 15:07, December 13, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm glad you like it, Ygrain! Anything interesting or notable, both flaw and merit, you have noticed? Also, do you have any suggestions, constructive criticisms, etc? --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 23:49, December 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Not really, I'm afraid, as I simply lack too much background info. But perhaps you could brief me in why you chose to include Ethan? You mentioned that you switched Liara's personality to her previous less confident self - do you think that the personality change in Redemption is too abrupt (how long after Shepard's death does it take place?) and that she wouldn't be able to cope on her own?
- Now that I think of it, there was one - minor - issue I noticed: you generally tell the story in the past tense but sometimes, when assessing the current situation, you switch into present. As far as my experience with texts goes (English is not my first language, as you are probably aware), this is not usually done - such assessments are written in past tense, as well, unless they are supposed to reflect the character's inner monologue, in which case they are graphically differentiated from the rest of the text, either by semiquotes or italics. But perhaps I'm getting it wrong. --Ygrain (talk) 05:50, December 14, 2012 (UTC)
- I included Ethan the Courier because, well, why not? :) Just remember, much of that fic is a collaboration between me and Herr Wozzeck, so Liara's personality shift is his idea. Also, yes, the sentences that are in italics are often the characters' inner monologe. I think, according to canon, it's at least a month or so after the destruction of the Normandy SR-1, so it could be pretty recent. I hope that helps! --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 09:31, December 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Given the short time period, Liara should really be closer to her ME1 personality than the LotSB bad*ssery. I was just curious about Ethan because, you know, to tell the truth, I'm not much into crossovers.
- As for the inner monologue, that's what sort of confused me - you don't have those present tense sentences in italics, so I wasn't sure what to make out of it. - But as I have said, other than that, a piece of skilled writing :-) --Ygrain (talk) 18:19, December 14, 2012 (UTC)
OK, I'm also interested in reading it now. Unfortunately, my knowledge of either Redemption or Fallout is the same as Ygrain's, but I hope that I can still provide useful feedback. Where can I find it? 4Ferelden (talk) 04:16, January 19, 2013 (UTC)
All right, I think I'll leave comments here rather than on the doc comments to make this easier. It's interesting that this is apparently a remake of your previous fic, Mass Vexations: Redemptions, but whatever. :P
First of all, I think that you underestimate the ME guns and armour. All projectiles fired from ME guns are accelerated to 1.4% of the speed of light, which is equivalent to 4197094,412 m/s. Since the body armour in the game can withstand at least a few shots from those projectiles, the Fallout weapons such as that All-American rifle would be vastly ineffective. Similarly, since upwards of 90% percent of shielding in the game is generated from body armour, Ethan's omnitool isn't going to last him more than two shots, IMHO.
Following up, I have never played Fallout, so is "firing at an insane rate" the way VATS is supposed to work in the game or one of the unlockable perks? Right now, it really doesn't sound realistic to me, particularly since most guns' firing rate is limited by their structure & not by how fast you pull the trigger. I also object to the use of grenade as it is, both because it isn't mentioned in the very beginning, when Courier checks his weapons (I guess the same could apply to stimpak, but it's not as important), and I strongly doubt that Fallout grenades will be on anywhere near the same level as ME ones, unless you're talking about nuclear ones etc., in which case you ought to mention it. Finally, are all of the Suns regular troopers or are there any Pyros, Heavies, etc. present? I think that a scene where Ethan shoots out a Pyro's tank in VATS would fit in really well and add strongly to the fight's credibility.
To finish off with technical details, your description of the Predator doesn't cease to amaze me. I've no idea as to why it would have a hammer (and a chamber for that matter) in it when it's propelled by mass acceleration. I'm also surprised how he managed to miss the thermal clip (in fact, looking back through the fic, your character never has to reload it, as if it was a ME1 gun, but there simply weren't any Predator pistols in the first game.) I would suggest double-checking with the Predator picture and description, since at the moment the gun doesn't look like itself at all.
Regarding other things, I find it somewhat hard to believe that a Courier, who encountered many mutants of all stripes throughout the game, wouldn't initially consider the aliens to be nothing more than advanced mutants (or at least the asari and/or salarians for obvious reasons.) The Pip Boy radar being able to detect mass accelerator rounds seems outright impossible, given both their extreme speed and miniscule size. Courier being able to modify the gun he's literally holding for the first time seems off as well: I know that Fallout has repair skill in it, but what is the furthest it's ever stretched to? The "half of Omega population aren't human" bit seems really modest, given tha humans are relative newcomers to space and gangs of other species would have had far more time to establish themselves there: it might be half after the plague in ME2, but I would lean closer to a third or a quarter. Finally, resolving the gunfight with Cain is wrong both because it's an unnecessarily grand resolution that would require even more escalation later on, and because the gun doesn't even exist yet: the one you gain at Normandy in ME2 is literally the first of its kind.
Finally, here are the typos & gramatically clumsy sentences I could find so far, although it is possible that there are some I haven't noticed yet.
was blurry, but they (who) have adjusted enough
Then, after a series of experiments involving highly advanced quantum mechanics and precautions taken, the Courier the mistake of overloading the device, creating an explosion in the facility he was at. (creating the explosion sounds off, and so does involving the precautions taken.)
which some of them are not even human.
they resembled too much like greyheads to his comfort.
orange lights lowing on their forearms.
The clerk, a human, sported short, red hair, as he wore some coveralls, turned to see him. (there are five commas here too! The flow is really off.)
He didn’t though he was dead
some of the locals were look at him in a strange way
The human shrugged. “Don’t asked,” he answered as metal slugs passed by the crate.
the drell complemented the Courier.
That said, I do like the general pacing and Courier's character, but it's kinda difficult to focus on that with all of the aforementioned issues, so I hope you'll forgive the overall tone of the review. Good luck! 4Ferelden (talk) 10:15, January 20, 2013 (UTC)
- I appreciate the errors you have spotted. I'll try to fix the grammar and rewrite the combat scene to best suit the setting. However, it'll be a bit difficult to describe the thermal clips. Also, by the end of New Vegas, the Courier's Repair skill is 100 and he has the Jury Rigging perk.
- Anyway, is there anything else you noticed or liked? Let me know! --[[User:Nord
Ronnoc|Nord Ronnoc]] (talk) 18:09, January 20, 2013 (UTC)
- The changes are made. I have made a new link right here.
Well, this is so much better now! You have addressed virtually every concern I had and it now reads far more realistic and closer to the source material. Since there are no large issues now, here's a list of typos & what I consider to be problem sentences:
As the Courier traveled down the crowded streets of Omega
Not it matted at the moment (You mean not that it mattered, right?)
not even the phase microchips with the ranger greater than 40 watts
Sighing, the Courier used the chit to purchase these two items, costing him about 7,500 credits, which took quite a chunk of that chit. (It just doesn't read very well. How about Signing, the Courier used the chit to purchase these two items for about 7,500 credits, greatly depleting it/its meagre funds.)
The Courier took the translator and the small PDA-like object, fitted the translator over his right ear. (Can you see how the flow of the sentence is interrupted here? Either "fitting" or "and fitted" would suit better here.
But it doesn't do shit against radiation, like laser, temperature, and poison, so be careful. (I think we can agree that poison isn't really radiation. If you say that it doesn't work against radiation and slow-moving objects, it would both cover this up and prevent readers unfamiliar with ME from wondering why the Centurion's shielding didn't work against Ethan's knife.)
he leaned in uncomfortably closer than the human would've liked. (You can't really have someone comfortably lean in closer than you would've liked, can you?)
pulled out his Bowie knife and stuck (it) at the edge of the shell
informed the denizens of Omega about the repairs the Citadel was taken (Either has taken or was taking)
The Courier leaned forward against the rail in the less populated pat of Omega,
There were muttering of his actions, some of praise and others of fear and concern. (I think it's either "they were muttering" or "there were mutterings")
would only last a few shots in an intense ("firefight", I guess?)
at the flamer in question, activation the VATS program
explode in a fiery radius, taking her and the closer few in it. (maybe engulfing her and the few nearby soldiers in it?)
as blue lights appeared in front of his body, providing him (with) extra protection
He choked on his own blood as he died from his wound. (I'm not sure one can choke when stunned and it just doesn't feel right here.)
so he discareded his old frag grenades by taking off the belt
The asari glow (glowed, perhaps?) blue as she summoned a projectile and threw it,
He continued firing, with Liara firing her pistol at another shooting that came running on the scene. (You mean at another shooter? In addition, two of the same verb (firing) doesn't sound well at all.)
Then, the firing ceased as one of the turians entered the fray as he pulled out a grenade launcher. "You better keep those biotics in check, asari," the turians called out (This sentence reads quite badly with two "as". In addition, I'm not sure that the Courier would readily identify it, considering that ME Grenade launcher and New Vegas grenade launcher don't look very similar to say the least.
With you going (for) overkill," Ethan shouted behind cover, "you better hope you're a good shot (or) "you" you'll blow all of us up and this part of the station, too
The Blue Suns?" Ethan asked. "They (are) the ones that attacked us, right
"1945, near the end of the second World War, when America developed and deployed it against the Japanese forces," (I'm not sure whether two idustrial cities and Japanese cities are anywhere near the same thing. On one hand, that might be how the pro-US textbooks would portray the situation in Fallout-verse, but on the other hand survivors of nuclear apocalypse would probably be more sympathetic to the situation.)
"There was a war between the United States and China little over a century ago?" (I know that humanity protecting everyone from geth would probably warrant increased attention to its history and geography amongst aliens, but still... It would probably be more realistic for them to use nations' full titles, as that is what education materials would probably contain.)
after looking at the Pip-Boy o be sure.
Ethan was quite relived to see she was all right.
Then he fired two runs near his forehead.
I'm one of the best couriers out there, long (for as long?) as the package isn't too big
P.S. Now that I'm finished with the more technical side of the story, on the artistic side I have to say that I liked both the Courier's behavior and how Liara's personality was represented. I especially enjoyed the mind melding: I didn't really expect her to verify Courirer's story in this way, so good move here.
What I'm probably interested in the most, though, is Feron's characterisation. While in this chapter it is somewhat limited, though I doubt there is any space for it so far. In the future chapters, however, it would be of great literary advantage to this story if you can expand this comparatively blank character into something full-fledged and interesting. That, and it would be nice to see some enemy characterisation., like how Ygrain did it in the Long Days, Long Nights series (unfortunately, she deleted it off this site alongside all her blogs, but it is still on the fanfiction.net.)
OK, I see that you have now published that chapter on the fanfiction.net. It looks really great now (I particularly like how you changed the Blue Suns' Centurion's death from as he choked on his blood to his life ended). The only thing that might require attention is missile silos at the Device (you surely mean the Divide from the Lonesome Road, right?) Anyway, good luck with the rest: if you have the second/third chapter ready, feel free to notify me! :) 4Ferelden (talk) 10:25, February 7, 2013 (UTC)
"Some Mass Effect fanfic" Edit
- Yeah, that's pretty strange. I've been getting that as well. I'll try my best to look into it.
- (edit) Turns out I disabled commenting by accident. Sorry about that.--Nord Ronnoc (talk) 05:54, February 20, 2013 (UTC)
- When's the best time for you? --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 17:39, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
- well due to this weekend being St. Paddy's, my normal playing hours are a bit off, but generally speaking I'm usually always on from 10 p.m.-12/1 a.m. mon-sun. I live in chicago, so hopefully you're in a similar time zone!--DeadpoolN7 (talk) 18:02, March 15, 2013 (UTC)DeadpoolN7
- I live in Utah, so I'm about an hour behind. What about the weekends? --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 18:04, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
Normally on Saturday I game out, this saturday...probably 8 p.m.-1 a.m. Sunday it's usually 9-12. --DeadpoolN7 (talk) 18:07, March 15, 2013 (UTC)DeadpoolN7
I'm sorry if I left the chat but it was buggy. So I said that MEI lore was ... mmmh ... existent. However, if you wan to enjoy the ME universe on your mobile for 6€ with beautiful graphics (for a mobile device), it worth it.--DeldiRe 23:16, April 9, 2013 (UTC)
- No worries. I'll look into the game when I get the chance. I'll bet it'll be fun to play as JC Denton in the Mass Effect universe. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 23:20, April 9, 2013 (UTC)
Hi there i just wanted to say hi and thank you for pointing out how short-sided i was in believing the Indoctrination Theory. i also would like to say it was a pleasure talking to you in chat. I also would like you to know that i have come to the realization that the Indoctrination Theory is false as well. And once again thank you for talking to me. Sincerely ,--Patstriker25 (talk) 01:49, August 5, 2013 (UTC)
- What can I do to fix it? edit: Nevermind, it's fixed now. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 02:14, August 14, 2013 (UTC)
videos not allowed Edit
now you know. T̴̴͕̲̞̳̖̼̱͒͛̎͒ͫ̃ͧeͩ̈̽̈҉͓̝̰̼̦̫̤̀͠m̫̪̪̯̻͎̫̅̇̓̇͌̚p̸̙̝̓̓͌ͨ͆ͣͥ̂̕o͒̽͐̽͏̞̬̻͕͔͕͚̰͍͠͞ṙ̢̞͚͈̹̰ͨ̓ͭ̈́̌ạ̢̧̪̹̺̺̣̹̲͂͆̏ͪͨ͒ͭř̹͈͜͠y̷͍̻̜̹̼̾̽̈́e̵̹̼̟̦͚͐̈́͌͘d͉̲̣̻͉̱͗̅ḭ̷̻̆͋̆̓̔͝t̨͍̦̫̗͂̅̍̋̆ͩ͝ộ̫̟̬̳̝̲̾ͫ̒̿ͮ̑̚rͯ̎ͨͭ̄̿̽͛҉̠̫̱̠̘̘̲́ͅ7̩̻ͤͩͨ͝͡8̜̣̙͇̻ͨ͛͛̆͒̆̽̒͐͜͡ ͥ̍̉̃̇ͥ̓ͨ͏̕҉̥̹͓̗̤̠̖̤ (talk) 19:00, October 25, 2013 (UTC)
- No idea, but I don't want to make any rash judgements. I'll rather leave this nonsense behind instead of dwelling on it. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 22:58, November 15, 2013 (UTC)
RE: Fanfic Edit
Hi Nord. There's not a lot written there but from what I've skimmed through, I'm not enjoying the constant reminder of videogames and Mass Effect Universe as a videogame. It kills the immersion for me as well as makes figuring out how BioWare made a Mass Effect game when the universe in your story is set in the far future. Niniendowarrior (talk) 06:37, March 10, 2014 (UTC)
Feedback on A New Day Edit
Hey, just finished A New Day. I think the writing style has improved overall, but the chapter feels very empty. I'm also not clear how important the sequence where Eric tells Alphonse about dinner as it's floating narrative-wise. I also feel it doesn't contribute to the story at all. It seems that the biggest impact in the chapter is Eric realizing that there is no record of his own family, but it took a lot of paragraphs to reach this point. Overall, it feels like nothing really happened. The actual writing and descriptions have improved though. Niniendowarrior (talk) 11:52, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
- I read your second link and there is a stark improvement overall compared to the first. It feels a bit lengthy to get to the same point, but there's more interesting bits here and the presumable dream sequence is far more apt.
Hi there, why did you reverse my edit? I was correcting wrong info. 22.214.171.124 21:17, May 26, 2014 (UTC)
- You didn't present any proof on your edit. Plus, Grunt dies when he's not loyal. Look it up on Youtube. "Mass Effect 3 - Death Compilation (All Characters)" is usually your best result. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 23:22, May 26, 2014 (UTC)
- Okay, I was mistaken. Sorry about that. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 23:30, May 26, 2014 (UTC)
No worries, in future please note that a) it's nice to give a reason on edit reversals, and b) please check things before stating a fact :) 126.96.36.199 17:18, May 27, 2014 (UTC)
- Unfortunately even the admins usually don't bother with reasons. So Nord wasn't seeing best behavior being modeled by his "betters". Admitting & reversing his mistake is better wikibehavior than most! 188.8.131.52 16:35, May 27, 2014 (UTC)
- Ah right, didn't realise that, my apologies on that point :) 184.108.40.206 17:18, May 27, 2014 (UTC)
you simply had to do it, have you? Edit
good riddance for generally being a useless "contributor" who has annoyed himself into overstaying his welcome.
that last stunt you did is simply one step too far into harassment territory. i have allowed you to socialize and vent to your heart's content, but as you may have noticed (or not)
- the other admins are busy IRL
- NONE of the current crop of editors have the technical skill, game expertise, nor knowledge of this wiki's conventions to keep the site together. so who are you going to put in my place? YOU?!
truth be told i was more than willing to lay low for the foreseeable future due to workplace priorities IRL. the one thing i won't do is leave the site to unqualified and unmotivated hands like yours.
go cry at BSN or wherever else. you're done here. T̴̴͕̲̞̳̖̼̱͒͛̎͒ͫ̃ͧeͩ̈̽̈҉͓̝̰̼̦̫̤̀͠m̫̪̪̯̻͎̫̅̇̓̇͌̚p̸̙̝̓̓͌ͨ͆ͣͥ̂̕o͒̽͐̽͏̞̬̻͕͔͕͚̰͍͠͞ṙ̢̞͚͈̹̰ͨ̓ͭ̈́̌ạ̢̧̪̹̺̺̣̹̲͂͆̏ͪͨ͒ͭř̹͈͜͠y̷͍̻̜̹̼̾̽̈́e̵̹̼̟̦͚͐̈́͌͘d͉̲̣̻͉̱͗̅ḭ̷̻̆͋̆̓̔͝t̨͍̦̫̗͂̅̍̋̆ͩ͝ộ̫̟̬̳̝̲̾ͫ̒̿ͮ̑̚rͯ̎ͨͭ̄̿̽͛҉̠̫̱̠̘̘̲́ͅ7̩̻ͤͩͨ͝͡8̜̣̙͇̻ͨ͛͛̆͒̆̽̒͐͜͡ ͥ̍̉̃̇ͥ̓ͨ͏̕҉̥̹͓̗̤̠̖̤ (talk) 07:41, July 13, 2014 (UTC)
- You had to insult me to get the point across? How does that make you any better? I'm not the the most qualified person for being an admin, but again someone else might, such as Else or Yami. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 08:22, July 13, 2014 (UTC)
God Speed skipper--Charles Saracino 02:43, July 14, 2014 (UTC)
- Appreciate it. Might want to add in your number. Just in case. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 03:14, July 14, 2014 (UTC)
image limit Edit
you now have 11 uploaded personal images. the limit is 10. i'm giving you 48 hours to tell me what to delete or i will pick one for you. T̴̴͕̲̞̳̖̼̱͒͛̎͒ͫ̃ͧeͩ̈̽̈҉͓̝̰̼̦̫̤̀͠m̫̪̪̯̻͎̫̅̇̓̇͌̚p̸̙̝̓̓͌ͨ͆ͣͥ̂̕o͒̽͐̽͏̞̬̻͕͔͕͚̰͍͠͞ṙ̢̞͚͈̹̰ͨ̓ͭ̈́̌ạ̢̧̪̹̺̺̣̹̲͂͆̏ͪͨ͒ͭř̹͈͜͠y̷͍̻̜̹̼̾̽̈́e̵̹̼̟̦͚͐̈́͌͘d͉̲̣̻͉̱͗̅ḭ̷̻̆͋̆̓̔͝t̨͍̦̫̗͂̅̍̋̆ͩ͝ộ̫̟̬̳̝̲̾ͫ̒̿ͮ̑̚rͯ̎ͨͭ̄̿̽͛҉̠̫̱̠̘̘̲́ͅ7̩̻ͤͩͨ͝͡8̜̣̙͇̻ͨ͛͛̆͒̆̽̒͐͜͡ ͥ̍̉̃̇ͥ̓ͨ͏̕҉̥̹͓̗̤̠̖̤ (talk) 21:37, September 9, 2016 (UTC)
- I guess you can try the oldest one. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 06:48, September 10, 2016 (UTC)
NORD YOU SON OF A GUN! HOW ARE YOU?!
--Charles Saracino 17:03, February 21, 2017 (UTC)
- I've been through worse, to be honest. But I'm doing okay. --Nord Ronnoc (talk) 08:39, February 22, 2017 (UTC)
Thats good to hear! how are things on the wiki been treating you? hopefullt the mods here have cooled off over the years, this place used to be pretty toxic. Now that Lancer is dead its like when The EMperor got thrown down the well at the end of Jedi! freedom for all the lands!
--Charles Saracino 14:23, February 22, 2017 (UTC)